This is for all of you who have been told that you will never amount to anything! Society conditions us to be cautious, and not to step our of our comfort zone, here’s a few examples.
All of us have been a child, and some of us have been a parent, so you can relate to this hopefully. When you’re a child, you constantly get cuddled and fussed over, but also you get told not to do things too. If you get too close to the fire, you get stopped and told not to do it again, you get told not to spill your food and eat like a pig, you get told to make a better effort at not filling your nappy when you’re potty training etc etc. Rules start to come into your life!
When you get to school, you start learning that what you got away with in the house doesn’t cut any ice at school, and you learn more discipline, and you are taught by the teacher and your friends, what you can’t do and what you can do. Things have suddenly become a lot more limited in behaviour, and your choices on how to do things.
Then you are judged by your efforts in school and usually categorised as an A, B or C student for example. Certain things are expected of you in life and a certain range of career is expected of you. When you eventually fit into one of these careers, and then perhaps it’s not what you thought it was, the option to change it is usually met with those famous words “you can’t do that”! or “don’t you want to think about that?” or “something else may not suit you or you will find it hard to get a job”! “or even just be happy with your lot in life”!
When you are growing up, you usually have a circle of friends and there is pressure to conform. When you want to do something different that doesn’t really involve the rest of the group, who here has met with astonished looks , and not exactly lots of approving words?!! “You can’t do that” will often be thrown at you in a non-improving way.
What if you have put lots of weight on, your fitness is a distant memory from school, isn’t it true that your new circle of friends are usually not really interested in being very healthy, being fit and feeling fantastic about themselves. There may be one of your friends into a healthy culture but that may be about it. When you suddenly announce that you’re fed up with your weight, your fitness, feeling rubbish, no energy, no drive, fed up with your job etc, aren’t you suddenly met with an initial “don’t be stupid, you look “fine””! When you expand on your plans, doesn’t the “you can do that” undertones start again, or ”you’re too old” or “you’d better be careful” comments start all over again.
You can see then the “can’t do” attitude rules our lives, isn’t it easier to simply “fit in” and not be “controversial”, sounds ridiculous but true and if you like being part of the herd, like a sheep, then perhaps this may be the wrong message for you.
If you are interested in changing anything or even everything, and were told that all it took was opening your mind, and writing down a list of things you really wanted, and taking action to go and get those things, would you believe me?
What about Cyril who regularly posts on here, he’s down to 18 stone now, but I see him at the most at 15 stone, his mindset will allow him to get there or not, it’s his choice and I’m going to help him get there, but he ultimately chooses to get there, and put the work in of course. He is 200% capable!
At a heavier weight, your mindset is different because you do not quite believe that an amazing physical condition can be yours. This is not the “right” of other people, it is your “right” if you put the work in, really leave no other outcome possible in your mind, and take constant action every day to get there. I’ve gone on about most people never taking any action and complaining about life. Isn’t it time by now that you took action to get REALLY where you want to be, isn’t there more to life and did you really imagine when you were that 10 year old boy or girl, that life would really be just “this”? If life is amazing for you, then that’s fantastic and you can probably relate to all of this today.
Life is all about being grateful with your lot, but doesn’t mean you can’t go out there and really get what you want does it? Don’t let anyone tell you that “you can’t do it”!
Life is much better when your are healthier, you workout because you feel better, you eat good food because you feel better, you help others because you feel better, people complement you because sometimes you happen to do good things in life.
Don’t believe you CAN’T DO this or that, you know the truth and taking action every day is key, in short DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT and it will become infectious and you will suddenly become this goal-orientated individual who knows everything is possible, as long you put the work in!
I want to know your stories and let’s start proving you can do it, and prove a few people wrong along the way maybe, which is always fun!! Keep using the resources on this blog and ask me anything that will help you.
Keri
This post was quite interesting. The part about being heavier and your mindset being different because you can’t ever think of yourself being in peak condition is very true. I am someone who 100% believes that the fat which has built up around my abdomen is never going to shift, which then makes me give up any sort of fitness when I don’t see results. If I don’t see any sort of fat shifting why would I carry on? I have now started to ‘try again’ and I’m going to give it a few months before I quit again….a few months is actually a long time for me.
One thing I would like to ask. I do have a sweet tooth along with probably most of the people using this site. I can’t say no to sweet things nor junk food. This sounds like a highly unhealthy way of doing things but when I now crave these sort of things I now just chew on them without swallowing so I just get the taste for a short period before disposing it into the waste bin? Is this a little extreme?
This is a great point and well done on your commitment to giving it a few months, which as you said is a long period for you.
If you see my previous posts, you will see it can take 12 weeks to change taste buds, and the process of having some sweet food that is not healthy, and then spitting it out is not the best idea because you’re not allowing your taste buds to change, of course its fine to have a treat once or twice a week, in moderation, but eating food just for the taste can be remedied by instead of having a bar of chocolate, have a couple of squares intead. That way its not massive calories either, plus you still keep some taste but reduce bigger cravings at the same time,
Your taste buds CAN change, and i have had chocaholics before, and they have changed their habits in 2 weeks some of them, you just have to stick with it. How many people do you know that used to have 3 sugars in their tea, and now have none, all it takes is time and you have to believe you can really do it, and accept your shopping trolley will have to change for good, because all those empty calories you are eating are not really your friends, and perpetuating the unhappiness you have from the extra weight around the stomach.
Which causes you more pain, excess fat around your stomach, or the very short term discomfort of changing your eating habits. Come on, give it a try and let me know how you get on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about it daily if you want and help others.
I can empathise completely with TS. As I posted the other day, I have tried to cut sugar out of tea and coffee, using sweeteners on and off for the past 30+ years. Sweeteners have NOT helped me lose weight, they have just perpetuated my need for sweet things.
I am now down to a quarter spoon and feel confident, for the first time, that I will succeed in stopping altogether.
As for the chocolate, I was a chocoholic of the highest calibre, would choose a bar or three over a meal anyday!! I would go to work without planning my meals and snacks, and by 3 in the afternoon I would not have eaten since breakfast and would eat ANYTHING, custard slice, pasty,biscuits, CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I can say to TS is that if you can plan your meals, have tasty snacks handy and drink water regularly, you will be able to eat the occassional bar of chocolate and really enjoy and savour every square because the urgent need for that sugar hit will not be there, and you can relax and enjoy it for what it is. An indulgence not a staple part of your diet.
Hi Debs, was reading the above with interest. I dont pretend to know everything but Sweetners will only aid in losing weight as part of a calorie controlled diet. I have used sweeteners for over 30 years, not to lose weight, although it does help when on a diet, but because I need the sweet taste in my coffee and tea. I dont feel guilty about it, alot more to feel guilty about. If you give up sugar and sweeteners and you are a CHOCOHOLIC, you will still be a CHOCOHOLIC , trust me there is no magic formula. I dont have sweetener in my porridge anymore I have whey powder, banana split, and that is very sweet, sweeter than sweetener, but I would never stop it. As someone who has struggled with weight issues since having my first child many years ago. I think Keri is completly spot on. The only solution is healthy eating, moderation, I dont even say I am on a diet, its GAME OVER for me if I. Healthy eating plan is the only way. I am not preaching, I of all people dont have the right, my weight at the moment is OTT, over the top. And I have done it so many times now, I do now realise IT IS FOR LIFE, took a bit of getting used to that. My son is the same as me, has to watch everything he eats and drinks, only he has it totally under control now. He even counts calories the weekend, we were watching the match in a pub on Sat and he said,” I can only have 3 pints mam” and that was all he had. He counts everthing and never complains, he knows he has to just get on with it, call me thick, but I think that the penny has finally dropped, if he can do it without complaining then so can I. anyway, enjoyed our chat, and to every one out there, keep it up and listen to Keri, he knows what he is talking about, you wont go far wrong. Best wishes. Jean
Great post indeed, and real life experiences are the way to go. We are all on here to hep everyone else, and thank you for such an informed post again.
Thanks Jean. . . . . . . . . . nothing to add. Too busy unwrapping my Mars bar (joke!!)